Sunday, December 31, 2017

When Satan tells me of the guilt within...



I've come to realise that a lot of my actions are driven by guilt and fear. I would feel the weight of guilt pressing down on me when I didn't "perform" as well as I should, and I would feel the fear of letting others down. 

It's not just at work either, this mentality has leaked into the way I do church ministry. What should be joyful and happy obedience as a response to the gospel sometimes devolve into self-abasing when I do not fulfill God's law to the tee, or when I have it in my mind that someone is displeased with what I had done / hadn't done. 

It is true that godly sorrow leads to repentance - 

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done." 
- Paul to the Corinthian church (2 Cor 7:10-11). 

But there is a key difference between remorse and guilt. While remorse galvanises Christians to carry their crosses with more focus and eagerness, the residual guilt that comes from the fear of unforgiven sin feeds into doubt and self-pity. So I become despairing when I fall short of the standard of what a perfect Christian should be, and wallow in misery. 

I don't think we should indulge in this misery, though. I had also mistakenly perceived my struggle with guilt as "the right Christian response to sin", and as a good way to motivate me to mortify sin. Yet wanting to gratify my guilt and attempting to "compensate" for it stem from the insidious attitude that I've unconsciously adopted that I must become Christ. Not Christlike, but Christ himself. 

And it's actually a subtle, more dangerous form of sinning against God. I'm still attempting to dethrone Him by placing myself as the important person - the saintly martyr who has to give of herself because I "need" to be the Messiah to others. 

And how terribly prideful, how agonisingly frustrating to believe that even just a mite!

Realising this, I have then fallen into despair again. The foundational and fundamental gospel of grace I have yet to truly grasp!

But how wonderful it is that everytime I struggle with this guilt complex, I can remember these sweet words:

"Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." 
-Hebrews 10:19-23


What is the basis of this hope and assurance? His faithfulness which is proven by the blood He shed. Note the passage I quoted - our hearts are sprinkled and our bodies are washed. Words that are both in the passive form, i.e. that has happened to us, and in the past tense, i.e. has already taken place. Earlier in the chapter, the author of Hebrews wrote that Christ's sacrifice is perfect and complete - accomplishing the redemption of His people once for all

So when I am liable to fall into despair because of all the ways I am not living out my Christian life rightly - I can remember I have an advocate with the Father, who forgives all my sins. What great encouragement indeed to keep pressing on to lead God-glorifying lives! 

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Urgency and patience in gospel work

The gospel is eternally serious business, inextricably tied to the glory of God and the destinies of real people. Given the stakes, there has been a good and right recovery of the urgent task to see the gospel go to the world's hardest places and least-reached peoples.

 And yet if we're not careful, I fear we will wrongly identify urgency with speed, failing to remember that a task can be urgent and yet demand a slow, methodical approach that thinks in years and decades instead of days and months.

Simply put, the church desperately needs to recover categories for both urgency and patience in missions. Spreading the gospel is urgent, but it demands men and women with the patience to commit to God's means in order to accomplish God's ends.


- Josh Manley, "Be patient, missions is urgent"

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Trekking through Bangkok - 2017

Loooooooooong overdue post. (And picture-heavy, too).

The Startrackers (The Star's graduate trainees) and I took a trip to Bangkok together last September - and here are some stories and pics.

When I first set foot into the working world officially, I was apprehensive. What are people really like in an office environment? You hear things about office politics, and you wonder how much of it is true. 

But these girls made working life not only fun, but as something to look forward to. Yep, what you do at work matters, the nature of your job scope matters. But who you're surrounded by matters too. And these ladies -  Aisyah, Natalie, Lina, Michelle, Su Hsien, Rowena (plus Melanie, who couldn't make it for the trip!) - they are supportive and caring, always there to offer advice, a shoulder to cry on, any form of help and support they can give, or lame jokes to brighten up your day. They genuinely rejoice to see you do well in your job or in your personal life, and they are there when the odds seem to be stacked against you. 

I'm so thankful to God that He's placed each one of them in my life :)

And I'm glad that we got to take a trip to Bangkok together.

DAY 1: 


- We flew into Don Mueang Airport, Bangkok
- Checked into Restiny Hostel at Ratchatewi Road. Very nice establishment, and the staff there are really generous. 
- We went for dinner nearby at Faridah Fartanee, it's a halal restaurant so that's great for Muslim travelers. 
- Later, we marched on to Pratunam Market for a look see, look, see. 

DAY 2: 



There's a reason why Thailand is a popular tourist destination. They've all sorts of quirky places to visit. We rented a van for the seven of us to take us around some sights in Khao Yai (altogether about 3600 baht). 


- We stopped by a chocolate factory, which sells premium chocs. 



- There was some random B&B place (?) next to it, and there were goats. 


- Next we went to Chokchai Farm. Hahaha, to be honest, I found it slightly odd...? Like it's essentially a farm, where cows are milked - how can this turn into such a profitable empire? But if you watch the introductory video at the beginning of the tour you'd understand why. From this one product, milk, there were a whole load of business units branching out from that product. It's fascinating! That's how enterprising and creative the business owners are. 





After lunch, we went to PB Valley. We didn't do the wine-tasting tour thing, just walked around and snapped some shots. 


- We then hopped into the van and went to The Bloom, which is a sort of flower garden.




And I guess if you wanna see Europe in Thailand (lol), one can always journey to Primo Piazza - where there are alpacas. (The highlight of the Khao Yai trip). 




Milk tea is very yums. It went for about 20-25 baht. We had dinner at Pe Aor, where they had delish tom yum noodles. 


And of course, we ended the day by playing Jenga in the hostel. 

DAY 3: 


Hot blazing days are always good for a trip to the temple. In our case, we took the opportunity of the toasty temperatures to visit Wat Arun. It's named after the Hindu god Aruna, often personified as the rising sun (according to Wiki). The temple sits on the Chao Phraya riverbank, and apparently it had existed since at least the 17th century. 

We heard that there is a dress code for tourists visiting the temples - but perhaps it wasn't really enforced, or maybe they're chill about it so long as it's not too revealing. I saw people wearing shorts and it was fine. 


- We took a river boat there. I don't remember the price now, it should be around 40-80 baht? 


- Then we went shopping at Siam Square. There was some really nice stuff for cheap there. Opposite was Siam Paragon and Siam Centre, where there was some nice stuff for not-so-cheap. (really not so cheap). 



Our journey then took us to Ratchada Rot Fai night market, where there was lots to eat and drink and shop, but nowhere to sit. 


                                             

DAY 4: 

Last full day in Bangkok - and was able to squeeze time to meet a dear friend named Guy, whom I knew from iFocus Durham days. We went around the hot Chatuchak Market, and there was so much to see - it's a very eclectic selection. Thai massages, milk teas, clothes, bags. And I think there was a stall selling only plastic bags.



Guy and I basically just chilled at the park after a while, talking about life and Thai politics (which is never a dull topic). 


And we spent the evening in the hostel, washing up and gearing up to go to the airport. We spent the night there, but couldn't get proper sleep because it was too darn cold. 

---

It wasn't my first time to Thailand or Bangkok. But that's the fun thing about traveling - it's a different experience each time. And I think what made this one so special were the companions. I had 6 other girls who are genuinely super fun and chill, and whom I'm really comfortable with. The late night chats (the sharing sessions), the laughter and jokes, and even the sad moments / pains in our lives that we got to chat through - I'm grateful for them. 

Yep, the sights and sounds of Bangkok city were great. But what was even greater was being able to share some time with you girls. :) 

The Glory of the Impossible - Samuel Zwemer

The challenge of the unoccupied fields of the world is one of great faith and, therefore, to great sacrifice. Our willingness to sacrifice for an enterprise is always in proportion to our faith in that enterprise. Faith has the genius of transforming the barely possible into actuality. Once men are dominated by the conviction that a thing must be done, they will stop at nothing until it is accomplished.

[...]

The pioneer missionary, in overcoming obstacles and difficulties, has the privilege not only of knowing Christ and the power of His resurrection, but also something of the fellowship of His suffering.

[...]

Who would naturally prefer to leave the warmth and comfort of hearth and home and the love of the family circle to go after a lost sheep, whose cry we have faintly heard in the howling of the tempest? Yet such is the glory of the task that neither home-ties nor home needs can hold back those who have caught the vision and the Great Shepherd.


- Samuel Zwemer, "The Glory of the Impossible"