Busy-ness

It's hard to settle myself down nowadays. 

I think I'm naturally predisposed to being lazy, but ironically, I also hate wasting time. So to counter idleness, to make sure I'm making the most of my time, I've been filling up my diary with things to do. Be it meeting up with people, going for cool seminars in church, serving in church, spending time with family, making sure my actual daytime job gets done well. Because I'm a Christian and I recognise that my days are numbered,  I want to squeeze the most out of every single minute. 

While that's all well and good, I also do believe that my busy-ness partly stems from less-than-noble intentions. Namely, my desire for wanting to do everything under the sun and my intense fear that I'm missing out on something great if I don't go for it. 

I've realised that lately I've just been filling up my days with so many activities - church, family, friends, work - that it's just been a whirlwind of buzzing up and down. I do think it's good to be active; but in another sense, I think it's bad that I now find it a struggle to slow down and draw myself away from all the hustle and bustle. Sometimes I've forgotten what it's like to not have something scheduled in. 

It's at times like this when I wish I was back in Durham, where if things get so busy, I could step outside to take a walk. Things seem less stressful there than when you're battling the long commute and congestion of KL City just to attend something you want to go for.  

But anyhow. I need to remember that I'm weak and limited as a human, and that while it's great to go out and be doing stuff, there're always great opportunities to be God-glorifying and wise with our time - even when we stay at home, not having any appointment penciled in. 

In fact, that's also what we need to do from time to time, to make sure we've not been idolising companionship, fun activities, busy-ness. What a great thing it is, to draw back from all that noise and go back to Jesus.