No Other Name

Recently one of my friends shared on Facebook something about her latest achievement.  And while I'm supremely glad for her, the niggling desire to achieve greatness myself and the profound sadness at not having achieved it, punctured me.

This isn't anything new for me. Since an unbeknownst age, a competitive spirit, or a prideful spirit, or a spirit in need of validation, has been germinating in me. At times it remains dormant, but sometimes it springs up and displays its ugly thorns. More often than not, those jealous, insecure feelings prick me when people appear to be doing better than me, achieving more in life.

In my head, and deep down in my heart, I know that as much as I should strive to be the best self that I can be and that I should strive always to improve myself, I shouldn't hinge my entire identity on achievements, or relationships, or even about how good I feel about myself. These things are inconstant, ephemeral, changing always like the shifting shadows. Instead, the foundation of who I am, the very fibre of my being is laid on being a rescued child of God. This I know changes not.

This is my challenge: to do the things that need to be done not for my validation, but for the glory of God and the service of men. If I do get recognized or appreciated, through my service, through my ministry, through my career, may it be. But if not, may I be more than content, more than joyful in the station allotted to me.

But these feelings of jealousy, of insecurity, of discontent, this overwhelming sense of failure wash over me at times. I feel sickened by my greed, the greed of wanting greatness in the conventional sense of the word, of wanting my successes acknowledged, of wanting to be admired and lauded. There's always more to be wanted.

As I'm struggling with all these conflicting feelings, these desires both noble and wicked, God's word, unfailingly, pierces through the murky depths of my heart:

"Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and be glad
and give Him glory!"
-Revelation 19:6-7

Reading these words, I really feel it: the greatest joy is not in puffing up my own self-esteem which desires to be petted and soothed like a ravenous beast, but the greatest joy is in the simple joy of knowing Jesus and calling Him my Lord.

Avatar the Last Airbender

Went on a nostalgia trip and started binge-watching Avatar the Last Airbender again.

For so many many reasons, Aang was - or rather, is - my favourite character of the show.

I get that some people don't like him, and that some people find him annoying. I get it, I understand it, and I'm not going to force anyone to like him.

But what bugs me is when people comment on his age, use it as proof for his so-called "immaturity". He's too young for Katara not because of his personality, or anything he's actually done, but because he's... *gasp* twelve.

Apparently, for such people, a 12 year-old is old enough to master all four elements, defeat the Fire Lord, and bring peace to the world, but not old enough to love a girl only 2 years older than him.

Watching the series again, I shall reaffirm without hesitation that as much as every character has laid stakes on my little fangirl heart (with the exception of Combustion Man), Aang's stake is undeniably the largest. He's so different from other protagonists I've seen from other shows. Aang was a character who had as many flaws as he has commendable qualities.He wasn't a brooding, anguished kid, but he wasn't a naive, goofy kid either. He's made mistakes, he carries around his brand of shame and guilt; but instead of letting it weigh him down, he turns it into motivation for helping others, for helping the world.

He has seen the world in all its ugliness and brokenness, but yet possesses the courage, the audacity, to smile, to laugh, and to cling onto the good and the beauty.


#seriousfangirlposts