Look out for yourself

     People tell me "you shouldn't need to do that", or "you don't always have to look out for others, just look out for yourself." I understand that these people care deeply about me, love me deeply and that they're just concerned that I put others' needs above my own a little too much.

     But these aren't words that encourage me at all. In fact, it's the total opposite. I thank all these people for genuinely caring for me, and I do admit that sometimes I feel a little worn out having to take care of others.

     But to be absolutely honest, I enjoy taking care of others and to love others and to serve others. Yes, it's tiring, and yes I whinge about it. But like the old adage goes, if it's worth doing, it ain't going to be easy doing it. If I'm passionate about doing something, I'm not going to be finding it easy.

     When people tell me, "you don't always have to be so nice you know", I don't actually feel cared for or that they're "looking out" for me. Instead, I just feel utterly discouraged because helping others and taking care of others is part of who I am. When I was growing up, and in fact in my life right now, a lot of the times I have to set my own needs and desires aside in order to show my love for others. And yes, sometimes it's painful, but I'm happy doing it because seeing others made happy is a joy to me as well. 

      I would much rather people acknowledge and appreciate me for what I'm doing, rather than saying "hey you shouldn't have to do that you know" when I actually do like helping others. 

     I once had someone tell me that I'm always a little too "self-sacrificial" and "giving". Someone actually said that "you don't always have to be so nice, people can think for themselves". Okay that's true. Then why don't you trust me enough to know that I know my limit, and that I can also think for myself whether or not I would be able to extend help? Why don't you trust that I can think for myself and say 'no' when I have to?

     Okay. I really do appreciate that you're looking out for me. (I know it sounds sarcastic, but I'm genuinely appreciative of it). But I would much rather people acknowledge and appreciate me for me, for my nature which is apparently "too self-sacrificial". I want people to understand that I go all the way to help people because I want to. Please understand and trust that I am able to say 'no' if the act of helping others get a little over my head. And when you see I've bitten off more than I can chew, why not say "I know that you're trying to help, but I don't think it's good for you to do this" or something to that effect. At least I would feel more encouraged than just being told that I shouldn't be "too nice".

     Again. I know the people who tell me this are just looking out for me. But I don't want to feel disheartened when I want to be polite or helpful. I just want to feel encouraged and inspired to love and serve others, and to have someone gently nudge me if I'm doing too much.